I remember as a young child being so bold and confident. I used to think I could take on the world. I felt like Super Girl, I was invincible. Unfortunately, life happens. Harsh words were spoken over my life that put to rest the Super Girl in me. “You’re a loser, I hate you” and so forth. These words robbed me of my confidence.
People often ask me, “Why are you removing your tattoos?” The truth is, I am removing them because I do not like them. Quite frankly, I don’t know if I ever did. Every tattoo on my body is mark of me trying to be somebody other than myself. I have a fairy on my lower back (it’s almost gone now), I copied Britney Spears, the cross on my ankle… I copied another Porn Star, the tribal tattoo that used to be on my upper arm…. Pamela Anderson. I had 8 tattoos and all of them were copied. The reason I copied everyone was because I was too insecure to decipher what I liked and didn’t like. I so badly wanted to be anybody but me. I thought if I tried hard enough to look like or act like somebody else then I would find confidence. However, in doing so my confidence got buried even deeper into the grave and my insecurities became even more real.
God never designed us to be insecure. He never created us to be somebody else. I can imagine how heartbroken He becomes when we compare ourselves to others. Your confidence was never meant to be found in the approval of others. You are approved by God and that is all the approval you need.
Insecurities come from the need to be approved by others and then missing the mark. If you live for the approval of others you will never find confidence. I am so grateful that after living for nearly 2 decades in insecurities that Jesus taught me to care not about what others think or say about me. Talk about me all you want, I don’t care – now that Is Freedom! I have found my inner Super Woman.
The other day I read a quote that said, “What other people say about me is none of my business.”
Because I am an ex Porn Star, people say the nastiest things about me. However, because I know how worthy and valuable I am in Christ, I laugh it all off. Don’t allow the lies of the enemy to silence your confidence. You are a child of God, you are royalty, you are worthy, you are so loved, and your life is both meaningful and purposeful. The devil wants you to walk in insecurities so that you won’t walk in the plans of God.
The next time people try to bring you down, I want you to look to the leader and hero of our faith, Jesus! If He could have people whip Him, spit on Him, mock Him and still have mercy on them, then so can we. Don’t live and die for the approval of others. God’s call on your life is so great that He needs you to be fully confident in Him, not in them.