When I was 16 years old I tore my ACL in a cheerleading accident and I was prescribed Vicodin. That’s how it started.
At 17 I developed anorexia. I wanted to lose 10 lbs. As I began to lose weight I received a lot of compliments. I became addicted to the compliments and losing weight. A guy in summer school sold cocaine. He told me it would help me reach my weight loss goals, so I bought some. Not only was I not hungry, but I was happy. This is what drugs do. They lie to you and make you “feel” happy, temporarily, until the withdraw hits and then you’re more miserable than ever. I became so skinny my mom put me into an inpatient treatment for my anorexia, not knowing about the cocaine.
Fast forward a year, I found myself in the Adult Film Industry. Money was disposable and so were the drugs. Within a couple of months, I was on cocaine and Vicodin almost every day. Cocaine to catch a high and Vicodin to mask the withdraw.
A couple years later, a girlfriend of mine asked me if I had ever “Chased the Dragon”. She pulled out some foil and stuck black tar on it – aka heroin. She encouraged me to take a hit. This high was the best I ever felt. I quickly exchanged my Vicodin for heroin. If I couldn’t get heroin, then OxyContin would do. I had to stay high because the withdraws were unbearable. I hated them. I was afraid of them.
One day, I was withdrawing with no ability to find any drugs. This was a day I’d been fearing. As a result, I went back home to San Diego to get sober and to get my life in order. I didn’t want to do porn anymore. I tried NA but it didn’t work for me. The NA meetings made me crave drugs even more because I was not ready to hear about people talk about how they wish they could get high again. I felt like some people would glorify their high, and I couldn’t stand that. I was trying to get sober, and this wasn’t helping. I had, however, been going to church, where the drugs weren’t talked about in a glorifying manner, and there I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I thought this would be the end to my addiction, but I was wrong.
A few months later, my recent boyfriend was murdered in front of me by a rival motorcycle gang. I was so afraid, I couldn’t sleep at night. Then someone introduced me to Crystal Meth. I quickly began hearing voices and even tried to commit suicide. By God’s grace only am I alive today.
A man who was a friend of my boyfriend, took me back to Church. I got baptized and quit using drugs for a while. However, this man took me back into the porn industry resulting to my use of OxyContin, Xanax and Adderall to be exact. This is why we have to be careful about where we hang out and who we hang out with. The church would have been the safest place for me to be, but I didn’t understand the importance of this yet.
Fast forward 3 years, I was so done with my life. I ended up leaving this man and the porn industry for good. I began going to Cornerstone Church of San Diego, still on pills, but now I was spending time with God every single day. I would wake up and play a worship song and sing so loudly to God, followed by a prayer for guidance and help, and then I would read the Bible. I still do this for almost 5 years later (in that order).
One day, I felt God say, “Brittni, flush your drugs down the toilet.’ I replied, “No God, I’m going to get sick without them.” “Trust me” He said. I ended up flushing all but 4 down the toilet. I felt so accomplished until God spoke again. He said, “No no, flush all the pills down the toilet. I disagreed with God and exclaimed that I will get sick. He assured me that I would not get sick. I had been an addict for seven years and never had I not gotten sick, but this time I listened to God. I flushed all my pills down the toilet. [I did not withdrawal, I was not sick,] I was miraculously healed. Had I not been obedient to God that day, I would have missed out on this miracle.
It has been almost 5 years since that day. Sure, in the first year I had so many temptations. I had to stay away from people and environments that would hinder my sobriety, I continued to serve in Church, I had accountability from some of the women in my Church, and I maintained a great one-on-one relationship with God. For 5 years, He and He alone has given me the strength to stay clean.
I understand that not everyone receives a miraculous healing. However, the steps I have taken with God to stay clean have worked for me better than any rehab and better than NA / AA (yes, I tried both). I know those programs have worked for some but they did not work for me. God’s presence is what radically change my life.
Some say, "Once and addict always an addict" but Jesus disagrees. Because, “Who the son sets free is free indeed.” – John 8:36 Which means you don't have to be a slave to addiction any longer.
Through a personal relationship with Jesus, He has set me free and I am free indeed. I no longer crave drugs, my heart has been healed, and I am no longer a slave to addiction. Once an addict and never again, that is what Jesus says about you.
If you are battling with an addiction, Jesus can and will set you free. When you seek Him, you will find Him and His healing. I know, you didn’t wake up one morning desiring to become an addict, the addiction was formed over time and your healing will be also. If you cling to God and seek Him daily, He will give you the strength to overcome this addiction, just as He has done for me. Your pain has a purpose and one day you will be able to help so many people who have stories just like yours. I am praying for you.
If you need extra guidance, please message me and someone from my team will be in touch with you.
You Are Loved,
Brittni De La Mora