When we live as victims we choose to remain as prisoners to our past.
I'll never forget the day I walked into Cornerstone Church of San Diego toward the end of my 25 years of existence. I was under the influence of drugs and alcohol, I had just quit the Porn Industry, and I was ashamed of my sin. I thought to myself, "I'll never tell anyone about my life. Everyone here seems so perfect. If they knew what I've been through then they would reject me like everyone else has in my life."
In that moment, I metaphorically speaking, chose to put handcuffs on and lock myself in the prison cell of my past. Thank God He spoke to me.
A few months after my first encounter with God, at Church, I had literally surrendered everything to Him. I quit doing drugs, I vowed to stay sexually pure, and I gave up my will in an attempt to live out God's will for my life. Well, I hadn't given up everything, but I had given up Almost everything, except for my shame. I was still brutally ashamed of the fact that I used to have sex for money. I was so embarrassed.
One day, I received a call from my friends at the XXX Church (xxxchurch.com an amazing ministry that ministers to Adult Actors/ Actress, including my former self, to people battling Porn addictions, and to those whom have been affected by a loved one's addiction to pornography). They asked me to share my testimony about how Jesus radically changed my life.
I quickly and eagerly agreed to share my story in hopes that my former friends in the porn industry would be encouraged and would find hope in Jesus, just as I had.
After agreeing to share my story, I cried out to God, "I have made a huge mistake! What are all of my new Church friends going to think after they find out about this? God, I'm going to back out, I am not going to share my story." I was hoping God would agree with me. However, God was not going to allow me to live as a victim when His son Jesus died for my sin.
God's desire is for us to lead a victimless life, a life full of freedom, and a life without shame. So, God spoke to me. He calmly and lovingly said, "Brittni, my daughter whom I love, can you picture Jesus on the cross with nails in His hands and feet, with thorns in His head, bleeding, and beaten for your sake?" "Yes, God," I replied. "Was that enough for you?" He asked. "Wow, I am so sorry for feeling ashamed God. What Jesus did for me was more than enough for me", I cried.
From that moment forward, I began to live in total freedom from shame and guilt. I began to lead a victimless life because in Christ I am victorious.
Do you realize that you are a son/ daughter of God whom He loves? Christ died just as much for you, as He did for me. It is God's desire for you to live in total freedom. Step away from living life as a victim. Why would you choose to imprison yourself any longer? What Christ has done for you is more than enough to set you free.
Say it with me, "In Christ I am victorious, I am fearless, I am not ashamed, I am not condemned, I live in total freedom to be who God has called me to be, and I will play the victim, no more."
From this day forward I pray that you will live the victorious life that God has called you to live. There are enough victims out there who desperately need Jesus, you don't need to be one of them. Instead, you can be the voice and the expression of love that leads them into a victimless and victorious life in Christ.
You Are Loved!