When I was 16 years old I decided to go on a diet with a friend. 110 LBS was our goal weight. When we reached that, she stopped. I on the other hand couldn’t. I became obsessed with losing weight and developed anorexia nervosa.
Some people think it’s about being skinny, but it’s not. I heard a profound quote the other day that sums up anorexia in a nutshell.
“When the exercise and rituals kick in and the cyclical thoughts about weight take over, everything else goes away. And starving yourself can make you feel euphoric like a drug addict or an alcoholic. It is not about being thin enough. There is no thin enough. It doesn’t exist. What you crave is the numbing of things that you don’t want to feel.” – To the Bone | A Netflix Original. Read More
Does My Life Have A Purpose?
Some might think this is a silly question, but for nearly 26 years of my life I often wondered this.
Why was I born? What am I supposed to do with my life? Where do we go when we die?
I even asked a family member and the response I was given was, “Life sucks and then you die.” This answer was never good enough for me.
I have realized that some inventions just can’t be understood unless you first hear from the inventor, or unless you read the owner’s manual. How can you understand the creation if you do not speak to the creator? Read More
This was a conviction of mine and my husband’s before we started dating. When I first began going to Cornerstone Church of San Diego I had just left the Adult Film Industry, where I had filmed roughly 375 scenes.
As I continued to grow in God, my celibacy became less about me and more about inspiring others. I thought, “If an ex-porn star could wait to have sex until marriage, then anyone can do it.” Read More
I have learned that like any addiction pornography and masturbation are an escape. They are an escape from boredom and an escape from pain. Addiction can bring forth an external euphoria that makes one forget about their internal trauma. A broken heart is most susceptible to an addiction.
If you had a sever toothache but for some reason were unable to make it to the dentist, then I would imagine that you would take some Aspirin and put some Novocain on it until you could make it to the dentist. Right? You wouldn’t allow yourself to remain in pain, would you? The same is true for our heart’s. When our heart is in pain, but we can’t find the healer, then we will naturally look for a quick fix to numb the pain. Aspirin will not cure a toothache, only the dentist can do that. Pornography will not cure a heartache, only Jesus can do that.
Do Not feel ashamed. Jesus died to give us freedom over our mistakes so don’t allow your mistakes to hold you as a prisoner to your past. Walk into your future, and if you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Just get back up again. Read More
I battled suicidal thoughts since my pre-teens. I used to cry myself to sleep wondering why I was born. Pain without understanding will make one’s mind run wild.
Oddly enough, almost every time I tried to take my life, I would panic. I remember overdosing on a prescription sleeping aid, but before I passed out I called 911 and said, “I was trying to kill myself, but I changed my mind. I don’t want to die anymore. Please, save me.”
This wasn’t the first time I’ve said those 3 words. I recently found a journal entry of mine from 2006 that said, “Jesus, Buddha, or God, whichever one of you is real, please save me.”
If you’re reading this today, your pain has a purpose. You are not a mistake. God has created you on purpose for a great purpose.... Read More